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    August 31

    有朋自远方来

     

    College friend Ying came to visit, from Chicago, with her boyfriend. Met them in Mountain View caltrain station. Both of us have lost some weight. We were relatively plump ten years ago. With the dropped weight, we can be regarded as comparatively skinny, in the country full of over-nurtured and over-weighted people.

     

    They will go back to Shenyang, and resume their normal life, after one-year program at UIC, after traveling and experiencing, immersing themselves in a different country and distinct culture. They will be promising government officials, I guess. They are still honest and warm-hearted persons, fortunately.

     

    They visited Golden Gate Bridge and Lombard Street, Chinatown and Union Square; they took a nap on a bench on Stanford Campus; they are on their way to Carmel and 17 miles beach.

     

    We enjoyed authentic Chinese food in a restaurant specializing Northeastern dishes; we tasted fresh salmon and boiled mussels at home; we recollected bitter-sweet stories which gnawed our youth.

     

    My roommates used to jokingly call me “holy corpse”, when I slept lying on back, on the white bed sheet, covered by the white quilt, crossing my hands over the chest, with peaceful pale face...I jokingly bought it.

     

    All sound like a distant dream.  

    August 14

    La Notte

     
     Valentina says: "When I try to communicate, love disappears." 
     
     Lidia says: "I feel the weight of years, in vain.'
     
     From Michelangelo Antonioni's "La Notte".
     
     When I try to explain an Antonionian film, the words disappear ...
    February 09

    Letter from Peter (3)

    Dear Zhang Ling, 
     
        ......
    Actually, I did write one long article about the Tibet issue, which might be of interest to you (although I'm sure it couldn't be published in the PRC).  Unfortunately I don't have a file, but you can find it on-line. The story is called "Tibet Through Chinese Eyes" and it was published in the Atlantic Monthly in February of 1999. This was very early in my writing
    career ­ actually, it was my first significant publication.  After finishing my job in Fuling, and leaving the Peace Corps, I traveled to Tibet before returning to America.  I spent a month there and researched this story for the Atlantic.  It's not particularly well-written and the pieces that I subsequently wrote for the New Yorker are much better, as far as the writing goes.  But this story was well researched and I believe the ideas are still solid.  At that time, (and even nowadays) there were basically no foreign journalists who tried to examine the issue from the Chinese point of view.
    That was my goal; I felt like Americans should have an idea why Tibet means so much to China.

         Of course, this is an awful issue.  No matter what you write, somebody is going to be furious, and this article probably wasn't satisfying to either side.  But it particularly infuriated the pro-Tibet lobby in the US. There were critical letters and when I appeared on a radio show people called in to attack me.  I was very young; my first book had not yet been published, and the experience was very traumatic.  There was a period when I wished that I had not touched the subject.  But as time passes, I'm somewhat proud of the story, because I tried to look at this topic from a different point of view.  Whether or not I was successful, it was a good project.

         Certainly, it left me with a lasting dislike of the pro-Tibet lobby in the States.  These are people who simply want to feel good about themselves. Also, if they spent any time trying to understand the issue, they would realize that the reason the Chinese care about Tibet is tied up with the disintegration of the country in the 19th and 20th centuries.  People in China are traumatized by the sense that foreigners want to divide their land.  So when an American criticizes the Chinese presence in Tibet, he is doing exactly what the Chinese hate the most, and it will only make the Chinese more stubborn.  This is why the US has never played a productive role in this issue.  One thing that I particularly hate is when they lie about the facts.  The Chinese government does this, but it doesn't mean that the pro-Tibet lobby should do the same.  For example, they often claim that the Chinese are in Tibet to profit from the resources.  Tibet is a very poor area and the Chinese will never profit from it; economically, it's a loser for the country.  (This is different from Xinjiang, which has more accessible resources.)  And it gives the Americans a false sense that it's a simple issue.  If the Chinese were in Tibet for economic reasons, then somebody could give them a bunch of money and they'd be happy to leave.  But the Chinese would never do that.  It's not an economic issue, fundamentally.

         My politics on Tibet, like the Xinjiang issue, are somewhat complicated.  During my book tour for Oracle Bones, this issue came up and I said that Tibet and Xinjiang would never be independent.  A pro-Tibet woman in the audience became very angry.  But I explained that I'm only being realistic ­ these places have been part of China for a long time now, and the political and economic reality is entrenched.  And there is no way that another country can force China to give these places up.  Certainly, from a cultural point of view, and from many different historical perspectives, these are places that can make a very good case for independence.  But moral rightness is not as important as the practical reality.  The Dalai Lama's big mistake was that for years he made the moral case without doing the pragmatic work, ie learning to deal with the Chinese.  Now he has shifted but the Chinese have no more patience with him.

         Obviously, the Chinese should adjust their policies. I think they should limit the migration of Han Chinese, and they should be more sensitive about religious issues in both places.  It's very striking when you visit and realize that virtually no Han Chinese speak the local language.  It's similar to visiting the American embassy in Iraq, which has almost no Arabic speakers.  How can you treat people well if you don't speak their language?

         In the end, I found this issue sad from both sides.  Most of the Chinese I met in Tibet didn't really want to be there.  And at some level the Chinese have become victims of their own propaganda.  During the Qing, they wanted Tibet to be part of China strictly for practical and military reasons.  They didn't want Tibet to be chaotic, causing trouble on the borders, so they maintained a military presence.  But they did not encourage migration and they accepted the fact that Tibetan culture was quite different from Chinese.  By the end of the 20th century, though, the reasons for Tibet had become more ideological than practical.  The Chinese connected it with the Opium War and the Taiwan issue and Xinjiang and the Japanese in Dongbei and all the other bad things that happened from foreigners.  In fact each is a separate issue and deserves to be viewed on its own terms.  But the Chinese government developed an over-simplified worldview that linked all of these issues.  As a result they've been less effective in places like Tibet and Xinjiang than if they had taken a clearer view of the culture and the history.

         I haven't written about Tibet since, largely because as a journalist I can't go there without approval.  I was able to spend a month there after the Peace Corps because nobody knew I was a writer.  But now I'm accredited and I would have to apply with the Foreign Ministry, and people would follow me around.  I don't want to deal with it.  And I have good friends there and don't want to cause them trouble.
     
        ......

        All the best ­

    Pete
    February 08

    Letter from Peter--About his new book "Oracle Bones" (2)

       
    Yes, I reviewed that very useful Cultural Revolution website when
    researching the book.  Some of the details didn't quite match with what I
    heard later from others -- although the story was never quite the same
    twice.  There was confusion about how many suicide attempts, and exactly how
    it happened; I've read a number of Chinese reports that say that Zhao Luorui
    was there when Chen killed himself.  But I'm quite certain she was not and
    that Chen was being watched by the younger scholars from the kaoguxue
    (including Old Yang who I interviewed).
         Polat has a very dark view of the world, much darker than I would ever
    have.  But I think it's quite different for somebody from an ethnic group
    like the Uighurs.  They've really never had any place in the world, any
    control over their fate.  When you think about how much the Chinese were
    traumatized by the Opium War, it's minor in comparison -- Chinese have had
    some degree of control over their government, language, history, religion,
    etc for most of the past.  And Americans were horribly traumatized by 9/11,
    responding in very stupid ways from which they are only now starting to
    recover their senses -- and that is really a very minor event compared to
    what other cultures have experience.  And groups like the Uighurs have never
    had any sort of moment at all.  They began to gain national consciousness
    during the early 20th century, and by then it was too late.  It only makes
    them bitter.
         I suspect that people like that are susceptible to all sorts of radical
    ideas.  Polat was not like that; he is not a violent person and he is
    actually quite honest, despite his twisted path.  But he'll always feel
    resentment for the Chinese.  I don't think it's right, but it's important to
    understand why that feeling is there.
         It's similar to the Chinese in Tibet.  Americans always try to take a
    logical approach to that issue, explaining that the Chinese don't have a
    strong historical claim, and they don't need Tibet, etc etc.  Same with
    Taiwan.  But that's really not the issue.  It's important to understand why
    the Chinese have grown to care about these places, and what these places
    mean to the Chinese.  The logic isn't as important as the emotional reasons.
    If history treats people in unexpected and illogical ways, then they will
    probably respond in turn.  The day 9/11 happened, I was certain that the
    U.S. would respond with some kind of massive mistake.  I didn't have faith
    in the country's international sense, but I also believed that traumatized
    countries tend to behave badly.
         I'll try to attach some articles here --
    
    Pete
           

    Letter from Peter --about "Oracle Bones"(1)

    Dear Zhang Ling ­

       Thanks for the note.  I received the Duku books and I have been trying to send the editor some files of articles and stories, but the Internet connection is so bad that it is a problem.  All of my notes have been sent back.  I suppose you probably heard that there was an earthquake in Taiwan and that the cables are down.  They still haven't fixed it very annoying. I'll keep trying.  Do you want me to send the files to you as well?

        I'm glad to hear that you were interested in Chen Mengjia's story.  To be honest, one of my main reasons for writing about him was because I figured that some Chinese would read the story and become interested.  I only scraped the surface; my book describes a certain search for Chen Mengjia, but there is a real need for a more thorough book, researched by a Chinese person.  And I've always hoped that somebody would do this before the older people pass on.

        I have heard a lot about Li Xueqin's reputation, which was the reason I approached him in the way I did. Actually, a number of foreign reviewers criticized me for the way I interviewed him and wrote about him. Jonathan Spence, the Yale historian, gave my book a very positive review in the New York Times, but he didn't like the part about Li Xueqin ­ he described it as "moralistic posturing." I don't think that section is unfair, or particularly moralistic; I am honest about the fact that I basically tricked Li Xueqin into that interview.  I didn't tell him what I was really interested in (Chen's story), and in some ways that's not fair.  If anything, the section reflects a certain amoralism that is not uncommon in China today.  Each of the main characters ­ Polat, Willy, Emily, even me ­at some point does something that is illegal or wrong. It has a lot to do with the current environment, I believe, and each person needs to be understood within that context.  The section on Li Xueqin ends with the sense that I can't really understand him, or judge him, because I won't ever
    have that context ­ I don't really know what happened during the 50's and 60's.
     
          ......

           At any rate, I'm currently working hard on the next book, which is different from the first two. Together they will be a set of three books that cover the decade from '96 (when I arrived in Fuling) to '06. Each has its own approach and range of interest.  River Town is concerned with geography, and Oracle Bones looks at history. The new book will look at
    economics.  But each of these topics is viewed through individual stories, not the big-picture stuff that we often see about China.
     
         .....

        All the best ­

    Peter
    July 21

    An Inconvenient Truth

    Another sweltering day as usual, in July.
     
    I live on the third floor, the top floor, almost can feel the torrid noonday sun is scorching the roof. The heat is kind of unusual for the summer in California partly due to global warming.
     
    The rapacious and insatiable human beings are exploiting and destroying nature, namely the space which we rely on. We are reaping what we have sown. But when someone stopped me in the street and asked: Do you want to do somthing for the global warming?
     
    What can I do? I am neither scentist nor politician/businessman, I just can donate one dollar or save energy as possible as I can. I don't use air-conditioner or electric fan at home, don't trust washing machine either, enjoy larger car but not a big fan of SUV...Probably I am an example of self-torture--think too much to enjoy pleasure and comfort.
     
    Having been here for almost four years, still cannot understand why the Americans like to turn all public buildings into ice house, library, post office, shopping mall,food market, etc. Is it too difficult to keep a modest terperature?
     
    The Korean guy next door is moving out. His "Moving Sale" poster appeared on the wall of the lobby of the apartment building last week. I will be next to move, and will face that attractive ice house--Mountain View Public Library.
    May 09

    An assiduous Student? Non...

    I have French class in the afternoon and dancing lesson in the evening each Monday.
     
    Gradually feel comfortable with speaking French, though the accent is still a little strange--French with an English accent which comes with a Chinese accent...have made progress in reading, since some French words seem similar to the English words, just the pronunciation varies. Certainly, the grammar is much more complicated than that of English.
     
    I made a joke about the difference between English and French pronunciations--If regarding English as Mandarin, the English-speaking people pronounce French sounds like the people from the Northwestern China speak Mandarin, adding a snuffle to lots of vowels...
     
    As for the dancing class, it leaves my whole body sour for the rest of the week. The teacher has a fabulous belly--there is a baby inside, a girl? a boy? I do not know the answer.
    April 26

    Dream

    I met Xiu last night, in my dreamland.
     
    Xiu is my close friend, also a hypersentimental dreamer, like me. Our intimate and sincere friendship persists almost ten years. When first met, both of us were attending the same university, poor and pure, plump and young, loved soft folk songs, poetry, flower and writing...
     
    We occasionally sat on a windowsill of the second floor of our old Russian-style dormitory, at midnights during midsummer, talking about our dreams. Some of them come true today, some not, and others, I forgot.
     
    She is a screenwriter now, lives in a two-bedroom apartment which is close to our Alma Mater, Beijing Film Academy. Between the two locations, there are a stinking river, a small stone bridge over it, four tumultuous roads and two pedestrian overpasses. Which make the
    journey much longer than it naturally is, and sometimes make people too lazy to trudge through it, for watching a film, or meeting a filmmaker...
     
    In my dream, Xiu brought me a bowl of porridge. I gulp it down, without leaving any for her. When I realized this, got blush and guilty, and promised to make compensation for the inappropriate behavior...an extremely funny and ridiculous dream.
     
    Suddenly, I am aware that the detail is inspired by a Cuban film "Viva Cuba" which I saw yesterday. The girl and the boy, both were exhausted, thirsty and starving. They argued and broke up their friendship, then the girl found biscuits in a tent and devoured for herself...Certainly it is a mediocre educational film for children, unexpectedly, it also brings out old friendship from my old memory...
    April 06

    Donkey Skin

    Saw Jacques Demy's film "Donkey Skin" (Peau d'âne,1970). It might be his best film--it is a pity that I haven't seen his first long feature film 'Lola' and the musical 'The Young Girls of Rochefort', but "Donkey Skin" is certainly much more impressive than "Bay of the Angels" and "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg".
     
    Demy is masterful in deploying colors, and "Donkey Skin" was based on a fairy tale of 17th century instead of melodrama. It also reminds me of Jean Cocteau's "Beauty and the Beast", the similar way of subtlety and magic.
     
    There are many interesting themes being discussed, such as taboo of incest, infantile desire, Oedipus complex, modernity (battery,helicopter), male gaze, female awareness of being-looked-at, mirror stage, feminine strategy, sexuality and desexuality...
     
    I am not a big Catherine Deneuve fan. She is not vulnerable enough for a femme fatale. Emmanuelle Béart is more enchanting, both pure and seductive.
     
    Jean Marais played the King in the film, just because Demy loved and admired Jean Cocteau and paid homage to him, and, Marais is Cocteau's dearest lover.
     
    Jacques Perrin was a handsome and sweet guy, representing "masculine ideal" in the film--"an imaginary person who's part of the collective imagination". Unfortunately, he spent most time in TV episodes.
    March 24

    Friday Night

    Watched two old Hollywood films with Minliang, in Stanford Theater, University Avenue, Palo Alto.
     
    One was "Song of the Thin Man" (1947), directed by Edward Buzzell and performed by William Powell and Myrna Loy. I haven't seen other "Thin Man" films, but this one was a little chaotic and contrived. While I do like that cute dog.
     
    The other was the musical "Swing Time" (1936), directed by Geoge Stevens and gracefully performed by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. It is composed by a naive love story with predictive happy ending and brilliant dancing scenes. Anyway, It didn't lack sense of humor. Fred Astaire was so elegant (I like him more than Gene Kelly). The stage design and lighting is also remarkable. At the end of each dancing scene, I heard a storm of applause.
     
    It rained outside. Neon lights reflected on the wet street and made obscure and dreamlike images. It reminded me a lot of movies and kind of unspeakable feelings.
     
    Crossing the street, we went into a Turkish restaurant and had some kebab wraper and Greece salad.
    March 22

    Urban Romance

    Asked by an editor, if I could write light-hearted short stories, namely, urban romance.
     
    I haven't written this kind of stuff before, although usually let the imagination runs wild, and like to see the boundary between finction and reality blurred.
     
    Why do not give a try. I am not a talented writer, but should trust my sense of space and subtle feelings.
    March 17

    Film-occupied Weekend

    Probably will watch around 9 films this weekend.
     
    Saturday, March 18, San Francisco, SF International Film Festival. Five films which are related to Chinese culture and tradition are candidates.
     
    Sunday, March 19, Berkeley, 4 Chinese documentaries will be showing including Jiang Yue and Duan Jinchuan's "The Storm". once intereviewed both of them in Beijing five years ago. I bet Jiang Yue won't remember me when I meet him again this Sunday.
    March 09

    Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

    Two lines impressed me. Both of them delivered by actress, both of them are from films observing inner worlds of human.
     
    1,"I am too old to be young, too young to be old." said Kathey Bates, who played a depressed corpulent housewife, couldn't find meaning of life and lost desire to live, until she met Idgie and heard about her story...All of these happened in "Fried Green Tomatoes"(1991), written by Fannie Flagg and direted by Jon Avnet.
     
    After seeing "Fried Green Tomatoes" and "To Kill a Mockingbird", I yearned for a journey to rural Alabama--a backward Southern small town with dilapidated houses and buried miserable and mysterious history...
     
    2,"You can be young without money, you cannot be old without money." said Elizabeth Taylor, in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"(1958). Probably the line is written by Tennessee Williams.
     
    I made up a line for myself:
    "I am too young too be callous, and too old to be vulnerable".
    March 07

    When Conservative Meets Liberal

    Argued with Lawrence about military issue and politics. I guess it wasn't pleasant experience.
     
    My opinion is that soldiers in Iraq are victims who exploited by corrupt and greedy politicians. It is not necessary for them to kill and to be killed were it not for consumption of weapons and control of oil. I should admit that I have been influenced by Michael Moore's documentary "Fahrenheit 911", especially the perspective that young men from poor and powerless families fight to death for rich and powerful people's profits. From Bob Dylan's autobiography I knew, if you want to go to West Point, sometimes you need family/political connections.
     
    Iraq war, Vietnam war and WWII could be considered as various cases in different social and political contexts. However, the current American government should be responsible for abusing mass media power and manipulating people's mindset. The mass seems to be more and more dumb, credulous and conservative.
     
    Lawrence thinks that the Democrats hate the military. The soldiers are carrying out their duty. I understand, he is a veteran back from the 1960s and served for several years in France. Hope I didn't offend him too much...
    March 03

    What happened when you moved to California?

    Q: What happened when you moved to California?
     
    A: Resolution of loneliness.
     
    The statement is for homosexual people. San Francisco is the promised utopian world created for them. He can kiss his boyfriend in public, and she can hold her girlfriend's hand in public. These "inappropriate" behaviors can cause no turmoil here. People even don't notice that (or prentend to overlook).
     
    The blessed lovers have much better luck than those suffering cowboys in Wyoming or Texas-- the "Jesus Land". "The West Coast where we live should belong to Canada, it is so liberal", a friend told me. I feel sorry for Iowa City, the civilized town I have been living for more than three years--when Iowa State falls in Jesus's hand, it will become an orphan island.
    March 02

    Vegetarian Obsession

    Two slices of grainy wholewheat bread, one glass of mixture of fiber fortified soymilk and organic milk. It is my constant breakfast menu.

     

    I have been obsessed with so-called "healthy food" for long time. Green becomes the most welcome color on the dining table--it seems to represent kind of healthy life and slim figure which I am yearning for.

     

    Consuming cooked vegetables or caesar salad is always an enjoyment, in comparison with the smell of meat which usually disgusts me. Furthermore, I am haunted by the bloody images in a French documentary, which are about how innocent animals were slaughtered brutally by human kind...

     

    While I still like seafood, such as crab, fish and shrimp...though I admire their beauty when the fishes move elegantly with their tails wagging. They are regarded as food instead of alive spirits and have less close affection with human life (dog and cat can be considered lucky, however,some of them still cannot escape from misfortune).

     

    Anyway, I have to admit that I am hypocritical, since I cannot be a vegan, or further, a mummy. We often find ourselves plunged into contradictions and dilemmas in the world.

    January 03

    Happy New Year

    You would never predict that with whom you gonna spend the next New Year's Eve.
     
    This New Year's Eve, I sat on a brown leather sofa which belongs to a strange family. Mei was beside me. We shared champagne with strangers, watched the hilarious ways of people celebrating New Year all over the world on TV, and listen to people discussing pop music stars or fireworks.
     
    Complicated feelings. All the people in that room, either strangers or acquaintances, shared the extraordinary experience, at that crucial moment, in the weld of 2005 and 2006. How odd, I didn't expect where and with whom I would spend that moment next year and the year after next year...just let chance leads me there, and there...
     
    Three hours before, I entered that house, met the hosts, saw some strangers gambling, playing cards, or watching the film "The Myth" performed by Jackie Chan in front of a huge TV screen. I had nothing to do. Nothing seemed attractive to me. Although I should be grateful for Lin's kindness to take us there, and the hosts' hospitality.
     
    This is life, mediocre and trite. Why always cannot get rid of that high anticipation of it? obstinately indulged in unpractical spiritual stuff and neglect material and real world?
    December 26

    Christmas

    Encouraged by Yue, I will try to renew my blog again.
     
    Today is Chirstmas here. It rained for whole day.
     
    I did some laundry. some sheets and pollow cases. Americans won't work today, since Christmas for them is like Chinese Spring Festival for me. During Spring Festival in China, I usually kept cooking, eating and playing--enjoying the pleasure endowed by life.
     
    Endured gloomy mood this morning and early afernoon. then a nap, felt better.
     
    Cooked a black bass. It wasn't amazing.
     
    Some leftover crabs from yesterday, were still delicious.
     
    Life is banal. Watched two films yesterday, including "It Is a Wonderful Life" (1946) by Frank Kapra. The show began at 9:00pm last night. The hall was really packed.
     
    After movie, drunk soda in a fancily-decorated Turkish restaurant which is located in downtown Palo Alto. Empty street, shiny lights, lonesome drivers.
     
    I hear the rain droping on the roof again.
    November 10

    Happy Birthday, Mei

    Ursula called, she said: I am a plump woman. I need more exercise, would you go hiking with me this Sunday?
    I burst into laugh. She was making fun of the stupid thing I wrote here yesterday. I knew she read my blog.
     
    It is Mei's birthday today. Happy birthday, pretty, innocent and warm-hearted lucky girl. You deserve happy and simple life, just like what the beautiful and pure fairies experience in fairy tales.
     
    I am a careless woman who is not feminine and meticulous sometimes, so often could not memorize parents and friends' birthday, when they sent me birthday presents or greetings, I felt guilty. Forgive me, you nice people.
     
    Got an email from Gavin. Probably we can meet again next Thursday.
     
    November 09

    Self-obsessed woman:)

    I curved my thick long hair with a flower-patterned barrette.
    Lawrence said it was nice, let people focus more on my face.
    I felt embarrassed, since my face is not in good shape and should be smaller.
    In conclusion, I am not photogenic.
    Lawrence said: You are pretty.
    He wants to take photographs of me.
    In China, I always felt I was a homely girl and should lose more weight.
    Strangely, in United States, people judge me from different angle. I don't need to remind myself: you are a big-boned and plump woman, do more exercise and eat less food.
    I feel more comfortable and confident. It is really weird.